Condoms

President Vladimir Putin called Tony Blair with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried; "my people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"

"Vladimir, the English people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the Prime minister.

"I do need your help," said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tie us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Blair.

"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin.

"Yes?"

"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin.

"No problem," replied tony Blair and, with that, he hung up and called the President of Durex. "I need a favor, you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia."

"Consider it done," said the President of Durex.

"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said tony Blair, "print 'MADE IN ENGLAND, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one."

Peeing Lessons

A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.

"1. Open your fly.

2. Take out your equipment.

3. Pull back the skin

4. Do your business.

5. Let the skin forward.

6. Stow your equipment.

7. Close your fly."

She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the outhouse door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."

She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."

Little Danny

Little Danny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground & go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy & Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Danny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home & started to tell his mother.

"Mommy, I was at the playground & I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look & he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss & then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..."

At this point Mommy cut him off & said, "Danny, this is such an interesting story, let's save the rest of it for dinner time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table that night, Mommy asked Little Danny to tell his story.

"I was at the playground & I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look & he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane & Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy & Uncle JP used to do when Daddy was away!"

Jewish Grandma

The children and grand children of an elderly Jewish woman decided to send grandma on a cruise. Grandma boarded the ship and showed her ticket to the purser.

He looked at it and said, "Oh, I see you have U.D."

She replied, "U.D.? Voos is U.D.?

He said, "U.D. is Upper Deck."

She then went to the upper deck and showed her ticket to the purser there and he said, I see, that in addition to U.D., you also have O.C.

"Grandma replied, "O.C.? Voos is O.C.?"

The purser said, "O.C. is Outside Cabin."

Grandma, needless to say, was delighted.

She then showed her ticket to the cabin boy, and he said,"Oh, I see that you also have B.I.B."

"B.I.B.? Voos is B.I.B.?" asked grandma.

The cabin boy answered, " B.I.B. is Breakfast In Bed."

"Oh!" she said; Mine children and grandchildren are vonderful."

Well, the next morning, bright and early, the staff came right into her room with trays of food for her breakfast in bed, and she said, "F.U.C.K.."

Shocked, they said, "F.U.C.K? What do you mean F.U.C.K.?", to which she replied, "Yes, F.U.C.K.

Foist U Could Knock!

Every Time

A man and his husband were participating in a blood drive, and as part of the pre screening process, an elderly volunteer was asking some questions.

"Have you ever paid for sex?" the woman asked my friend's husband sweetly.

Glancing wearily over at his wife, trying to calm a new baby and tend to several other children milling around her, he sighed, "Every time."

New Drink

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're Sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him.

The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar -- A saltshaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot Of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice."

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks -- this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.

.... In one-second the sharp lime taste hits...
.... At two seconds the Baileys curdles
.... At three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits.

This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend; he swallows the now nasty drink.

When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus, what do you call that drink?"

She smiles widely at him and says............ "Blow Job Revenge"

Sex Education

A fifth grade teacher is told she must teach sex education to her class. She decides to use a math technique to teach the subject, and thinks flash cards will work well. The next day in class, she holds up the first flash card, a picture of breast, and asked "does anyone know what this is?"

Little Suzie responds "I know, I know! It's a picture of a breast and my mommy has two of them!"

The teacher says "very good Suzie, you get a star for the exercise"

The teacher grabs the next card and holds it up. It's a picture of a penis. She asks "Does anyone know what this is?" and little Tommy says "I know I know!! It a penis and my daddy has two of them!!!"

The teacher says "well Tommy, It is a penis but your daddy can't have two of them."

Tommy says "Sure he does, he's got a little one he pees out of and a great big one he brushes mommy's teeth with!"

Explorers

Three explorers were in the deepest darkest jungles of Africa and were captured by a pigmy tribe. The tribe brings them before the chief, who declares that the explorers were tracking across secret hunting grounds, and the penalty was death.

One explorer asks the chief if they are to die. Could they chose the way they wanted to go.

After much consideration, the chief agreed.

The first explorer loved to eat and wanted to eat himself to death.

The tribe puts him in a hut with 10,000 lbs of food and two guards outside the door to make sure he doesn't escape.

The second explorer loved to drink and wanted to drink himself to death.

Again, the tribe puts him in a hut with 10,000 gals of booze, and two guards outside the door to make sure he doesn't escape.

The third explorer loved to screw women.

This took a little time, as the tribe had to construct a large hut and collect 10,000 naked women. They finally got it all together and placed the explorer in the hut with 10,000 naked women and two guards outside the hut to make sure he didn't escape.

Time rolled by, and about 3 months later the chief remembered that he had to see how the punishment of the three explorers turned out.  He went to the first hut, and found the man had ate so much, he exploded. He had the two guards clean up the mess and dismissed them. In the second hut, the explorer drank so much he puked his guts out. The chief had the two guards clean up the mess, and dismissed them.

You'd never guess what the chief found in the third hut... 10,000 pregnant women, two guards outside the door with red asses and the explorer jacking off in the corner!

Doing the Laundry

A young couple got married. On their honeymoon, they were very anxious about having sex because they were both virgins. Because of their sexual inexperience, they were a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject so they came up with the term "doing the laundry" to use in place of "having sex."

This made them both more comfortable with the whole concept. Well, the first night of their honeymoon was wonderful. They "did the laundry" five times that first night. In the middle of the night the new husband woke up, and he was ready to do the laundry again. He gently shook his new wife and asked her, "Can we do the laundry again?" but she was very tired.

She told him that she just couldn't do it again just yet, maybe in the morning. A few hours later the new wife awoke feeling very guilty. What he had asked for wasn't unreasonable, and she decided she should go ahead and "do the laundry" with him again.

She gently shook him and said, "Honey, I'm sorry I denied you... We can do the laundry again if you want."

He replied, "That's OK... It was a small load... I did it by hand."

Mexican

After just two days of driving through Mexico, Steve was sick and tired of Mexicans. "They hate Americans," he told his wife, "and I swear the next one I see, I'm gonna make that son of a bitch suffer!"

As it happened, Steve's anger was such that he didn't look where he was going, and rear ended a brawny farmer in a pickup truck.

The Mexican came over and leaned in Steve's window. "Hey grreeennngo - why you heet my truck?"

"Because I can't stand you or any other Mexican grease balls!" Steve ranted. "In fact, if you're man enough, I'm gonna come out and kick the shit out of you!"

The Mexican motioned Steve out. "I make a deel weetch you," he said. "If you ween, you take my truck. If I ween, not only do I fuck your wife, but you weel hold my balls to keep them off the hot street."

The men agreed and fought.

Later, Steve was smiling as he and his wife drove off.

"I told you I'd make some Mexican suffer!" he gloated.

His wife looked at him. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Steve smiled. "Didn't you hear how he SCREAMED when I dropped his balls on the asphalt?"

Feathers

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of a tribe in Africa. While touring a reservation during the documentary she was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses.

So she asked a man who only had one feather in his headdress, his reply was: "Me only have one woman. One woman ... one feather."

Feeling the first fellow was only joking she asked another man. This man had two feathers in his headdress and he replied, "Me have two women. Two women ... two feathers."

Still not convinced the feathers indicated the number of sexual partners involved, she decided to interview the Chief. Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers. Which, need less to say amused Ms.Walters. She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?"

The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said, "Me Chief, me fuck' em all. Big, small, fat and tall, me fuck`em all."

Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, "You ought to be hung."

The Chief said, "You damn right me hung. Big like buffalo, long like snake."

Ms. Walters cried, "You don`t have to be so hostile."

The Chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style...me fuck' em all."

With tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "Oh dear."

The Chief said, "No deer. Ass too high, run too fast."

Just had a Baby

Woman: I just had a baby and the doctor told me to do those Kegel exercises - you know to tighten up things down there.

Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am, I understand. Are you in pain?

Woman: No, no, no. It's not that. It's just that every time I do those exercises I have an orgasm.

Dispatcher: I'm sorry, did you say "orgasm"?

Woman: Yes. Am I doing them right?

Dispatcher: Sounds like it to me.

Sexy Lady

A sexy lady meet a handsome young man in a pub, after some drinks and a little tipsy the sexy lady said to the young man, "My mouth is like a loud speaker, my two breasts are for tuning, left one is for tuning the channel AM or FM and my right breast is for tuning bass and treble depending which mode you want."

The young man was aroused by the young lady expression, and said to the lady, "I don't believe it."

Young lady said, "You can try it if you want".

Young man said, "OK, come to my hotel room and prove it to me."

They agreed and both holding hands and headed for the hotel room. Upon entering the room the young lady undressed herself and soon the young man start feeling the left nipple for AM/FM fine-tuning. After a while nothing happen. He changed to the right nipple and start rubbing with greater pressure.

Again, nothing happened.

The young man soon gave up and ask the lady, "Hello sweetie, after I have tuned your AM/FM and treble/bass nipples there are no response."

The sexy lady replied, "You forgot to PLUG IN your power."

Charade Player

The world's greatest charade player brags that he can guess any charade. A TV producer decides to use the charade player in a TV special. He issues a challenge offering the charade player a million dollars to guess a very hard charade on television. The charade player agrees.

Comes the big night, all the world is watching. The charade player is sitting on stage in front of a curtain. Music blares and the curtain opens to reveal seven nude young women. The second and fourth ladies are holding their breasts, while the other five have their backs to him and are baring their behinds.

The charade player barely glances over them and says, "The William Tell Overture by Rossini."

The flabbergasted producer says in awe, "You've done it! That's the correct answer. You are indeed the greatest charade player!" and he hands him a check for a million bucks.

Walking out, a reporter stops the charade player and ask him how he did it.

"It's really simple," says the charade player. "One look at the positions of the seven women, and I realized it as the William Tell Overture."

"Rump... titty... rump... titty... rump... rump... rump."

Sandwiches In Bed

A guy and a girl want to make out. So they go to the girl's house and before entering her room, the girl stops and says, "My little sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bed and I do not want her to know what we are doing. So when I say, 'Baloney,' it means push harder, and when I say, 'Pastrami,' it means push softer."

With this, the two get onto the top bunk and gettin it on. First the girl moans, "Baloney! Baloney! Baloney!"

Then she shouts, "Pastrami! Pastrami! Pastrami!"

Then she switches back to, "Baloney! Baloney! Baloney!"

Finally, the girl's sister yells, "If you're going to make sandwiches up there, you'd better not spill any mayonnaise on me or I'm telling mom!"

Up or Down

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.

The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure. They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat.

When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years. They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He again asked the lady, "Up or down?"

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again. This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down?"

The woman replied, "Down."

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, "Up or down?"

She replied, "Up."

This really confused the gentleman so he asked, "what's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"

She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were 'fuck or drown'."

Virgins

The Catholic priest in a small town had become very perturbed, and he decided to lay it on the line to the congregation.

"Brothers, sisters," he said solemnly, "it has come to my attention that there are tales to the effect that immorality is rampant in our fair town. To be specific, it is being said that there is not one virgin left here. This vile lie must and shall be refuted. In order to do so, I ask every virgin in the congregation to rise."

Not a woman stirred.

The priest said, "I understand the modesty that would make a young lady hesitate to announce her condition publicly, but it is necessary to do so. Young women, I conjure those to rise who are truly virgins."

And still not a woman stirred.

Wrath now moved the priest. "Will you, for the fear of experiencing a small shame, incur a great one? This is an order from the Almighty: Let all virgins stand!"

And as his thunderous tones died away, a young lady, far in the rear, with a baby in her arms, rose bashfully.

The preacher stared with astonishment at the baby, then said, "Young woman, I'm asking the virgins to stand."

And the young lady answered indignantly, "Well, father, do you expect this six-month-old girl to stand by herself...?"

Hurts

Boot camp. Duluth, Minnesota. February. Six A.M. Six below zero. The Sergeant bellows "Outta those bunks! Birthday suit inspection! I want you to fall in outside, NOW! Buck nekkid! Stand close enough to make the man in front of you smile! MOVE, YOU FUCKERS!"

The barracks quickly empty, the men fall in and shiver at attention. The Sergeant hollers "LOOSEN RANKS!" The ranks separate a bit.

The Captain approaches, carrying a swagger stick. With the stick, he swats one of the men across the chest. "Did that hurt, Mister?" the Captain demands.

"No, SIR!" the recruit shouts.

"Why not?" barks the Captain.

"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, SIR!"

The Captain nods, and moves on down the front rank a bit. He whacks another man across the butt. "Did that hurt, Mister?"

"No, SIR!"

"Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, SIR!"

Satisfied, the Captain continues on down the rank. He notices that one of the men is sporting a huge erection, and brings his stick down sharply on the proffered target. "Did that hurt, Mister?"

"No, SIR!"

"Why not?"

"Because it belongs to the fellow behind me, SIR!"

Breakoff Engagement

Hank finally found the nerve to tell his fiancee that he had to break off their engagement so that he could marry another woman.

"Can she cook like I can?" the distraught woman asked.

"Not on her best day." Hank replied.

"Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?" she asked.

"No, she's broke."

"Well then, is it sex?"

"Nope,... nobody does it like you, babe."

"Then what is it?? What can she do for you that I can't?"

"She can sue me for child support!"

Go Downtown

A man and his girlfriend are fulling around. He asks her to 'go downtown.' So, with a sigh, she gets on her knees in front of him and starts staring at his genitals, looking and tipping her head this way and that, studying the whole business.

After about five minutes of this, he asked her in a sort of annoyed voice, "Well, just what are you doing?"

She replied, "I'm doing what I always do when I'm downtown with no money. Just browsing ."

Johnny Go Deeper

There was once a boy named Johnny Go Deeper. He attended a school where his father was the principal, his mother was the vice principal and his sister was an administrator. He stayed after class when the bell rang to speak with his teacher, Mrs. Johnson.

He began the conversation by saying. "Mrs. Johnson, please take off your shirt".

Mrs. Johnson quickly replied "No Johnny, I'm not taking my shirt off".

So Johnny says "I'll tell my mother and my father and my sister and they'll fire you. So Mrs. Johnson removed her shirt.

Then Johnny says "Mrs. Johnson, please take off your skirt".

Mrs. Johnson quickly replied "No Johnny, I'm not taking my skirt off".

So Johnny says "I'll tell my mother and my father and my sister and they'll fire you". Mrs. Johnson then removed her skirt.

Then Johnny says "Mrs. Johnson, please take off your bra and panties".

Mrs. Johnson quickly replied "No Johnny, I'm not taking my bra and panties off".

So Johnny says "I'll tell my mother and my father and my sister and they'll fire you". Mrs. Johnson then removed her bra and panties.

Then Johnny says "Mrs. Johnson, please lay on the table".

Mrs. Johnson quickly replied "No Johnny, I will not lay on the table".

So Johnny says "I'll tell my mother and my father and my sister and they'll fire you". Mrs. Johnson lays on the table.

So Johnny jumped on top of her and proceeded to try to penetrate her.

All of a sudden his mother walks in and yells "JOHNNY GO DEEPER"

So Johnny replies "I'm trying, I'm trying".

Public Toilet

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin's penis was twisted like a corkscrew.

"Wow," Gary said. "I've never seen one like that before."

"Like what?" Martin said.

"All twisted like a pig's tail," Gary said.

"Well, what's yours like?" Martin said.

"Straight, like normal," Gary said.

"I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Martin said.

Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants.

"What did you do that for?" Martin said.

"Shaking off the excess drops," Gary said. "Like normal."

"Fucks!," Martin said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."

Talking Filthy to a Barmaid

A man goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your breasts" he says. "You dirty git," shouts the barmaid, "get out before I fetch my husband."

The man apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. "I want to pull your pants down, spread yogurt between the cheeks of your ass and lick it all off," he says.
"You dirty filthy pervert. You're banned. Get out." she storms.

Again, the man apologizes and swears never ever to do it again. "One more chance' says the barmaid. 'Now, what do you want?" "I want to turn you upside down, fill your pussy with Guinness, and then drink every last drop."

The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs to fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the telly.

"What's up, love?" he asks.

"There's a man in the bar who wants to put his head between my breasts and lick the sweat off," she says.
"I'll kill him. Where is he?" storms the husband.

"Then he said he wanted to pour yogurt down between my ass cheeks and lick it off," she screams.
"Right. He's dead." says the husband, reaching for a bat.

"Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my pussy with Guinness and then drink it all," she cries.

The husband puts down his bat and returns to his armchair,and switches the telly back on.

"Aren't you going to do something about it?" she cries hysterically.

"Look, love. I'm not messing with someone who can drink 12 pints of Guinness."

Sweet Aroma of my Mistress

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line: 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play hes practicing his line over and over again.

Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"

The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"

"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"

80 Years Old

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them, Twice.

The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"

"Never Father, I'm Jewish."

"So then, why are you telling me?"

"Because I'm telling everybody!"

Bolt of Lightning

One day a priest was playing baseball. A nun was cheer-leading near first base.

The priest was up to bat. The pitcher threw the ball. The priest
swung, missed, and said "Dammit! I missed!"

"Don't you say that mister or God will strike you with a bolt of lightning," the nun said.

Again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and said
"Dammit! I missed!"

"If you say that one more time mister, God will strike you with a bolt of lightning," the nun said.

Once again the pitcher threw the ball. The priest swung, missed, and
said "Dammit! I missed!"

A bolt of lightning strikes the nun and God says "Dammit! I missed!"

A Carnal Test

Three couples wanted to be admitted into a new church. One was an elderly couple, one was a middle-aged couple, and one was a young couple.

The priest said, "Well, the only way you can get into my church is to abstain from having sex for two weeks."

"No problem," said all three couples.

Two weeks later, the three couples returned to the church.

"It was a piece of cake," said the elderly couple. "We didn't have sex for two weeks straight."

The middle-aged couple said, "It was kind of difficult, but we made it. We didn't have sex for two weeks straight."

Finally, the young couple said, "Well, we made it through the first five days or so, but then, as my wife was bending over to pick up a can of paint, I just had to give it to her right then and there."

The priest was stunned. "You do realize that you aren't welcome in this church, don't you?"

The couple shrugged it off. "That's ok. We aren't welcome in Home Depot anymore, either."

A Dirty Fork

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."
 
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
 
"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
 
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
 
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
 
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
 
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
 
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
 
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
 
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."