Just like my wife

A man on a bus keeps staring at another male passenger; the male passenger has had enough and asks the man "Why are you staring at me."

The man says ''If it wasn't for the mustache, you would look just like my wife."

The male passenger says ''I don't have a mustache."

''No, but my wife does.'' the man replies.

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Baking a Cake

A little girl and he mother were taking a walk in the park when they stumbled on two dogs having sex.

The little girl asked her mom "What are they doing?"

Not knowing what to say the mom quickly answers, "They are baking a cake."

The next morning the little girl walks up to her mom and says "Mommy, I know what you and daddy were doing last night,"

Mom asks "What?"

"You two where baking a cake."

The mom asks; "And how do you know that?"

The little girl says "Cause I had to wipe the icing off the couch to watch TV!"

State Farm

A young married woman and an older married woman sitting together on a train from Boston to New York. As sometimes happens with strangers in such an environment, they began to discuss highly personal matters.

As they were passing through Hartford, the younger woman spoke up thoughtfully, “Tell me, do you and your husband have mutual orgasm?”

“No”, replied the older lady, “I think we have State Farm”

Why you Doing That?

A candidate brought a dice into the examination hall for MCQ. He started tossing the dice to select his answers. The superintendent just gave a glimpse at his candidate as he passed by since it is common to have students trying their luck. Very soon the candidate finished his whole paper and slept on his table. Half an hour later the candidate sat up and started tossing the dice again.

The superintend felt curious and approached the candidate.

Superintendent: 'Gentleman, why are you tossing the dice again since you've already finished all the questions earlier on?'

Candidate: 'Sir, my mom said that I have to double check my answers.'

Good Manners

During class, a teacher was trying to teach good manners.The teacher asks the students "Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

"Just a minute, I have to go piss."

"That would be rude and impolite!!! What about you John, how would you say it?"

"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table. And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?"

"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper."

Grading Essay Finals

A professor was grading the essay finals he had just given his class and opened the exam book of a failing student to reveal blank pages and a $100 bill. The only thing written in the book was "$100 = 100% - I get an A."

A month later, the student approached the professor. "I don't understand," he said. "I failed the course. Didn't you read my final?" The professor handed the student the exam book.

The student opened it to reveal $50 and the phrase "$50 = 50% - You fail!"