Sorry that I've been away for so many days just a lil crazy over here & haven't been online in awhile... BUT hopefully things will start to calm down & I'll be back :) Have a few new jokes I want to post so keep a look out for those :) Hope all these jokes make everybody giggle & brighten your day.
Your friend,
EzMony
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Dirty Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to her throat said "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a magnum gun and pointed it at him and said,
"No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a magnum gun and pointed it at him and said,
"No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Check
A man walks into a bank, and after waiting for 20 minutes in line, he goes straight to a customer service rep. and says, "Hey, lady, I got this here check for deposit and I'll be goddamned if I am going to wait my ass on line anymore."
"Please", says the woman. "I won't have that kind of language in this bank."
"Well excuse me, but this fuckin' check ain't drawing any goddamned interest with you yappin' away about my language."
"Sir, I don't have to take this abuse" she says.
"Well then let's get the fuckin' manager okay? I mean what kind of shit is this I have to take from you?"
The manager is summoned, and says "What seems to be the problem?"
The woman says, "This man is using vulgar language and I won't stand for it."
The man says "Hey alls I'm trying to do in this goddamned bank, for Christ's sake is deposit this fuckin' check for 15 million dollars."
The manager looks at the check and then at the man and says "And this fuckin' bitch won't help you?"
"Please", says the woman. "I won't have that kind of language in this bank."
"Well excuse me, but this fuckin' check ain't drawing any goddamned interest with you yappin' away about my language."
"Sir, I don't have to take this abuse" she says.
"Well then let's get the fuckin' manager okay? I mean what kind of shit is this I have to take from you?"
The manager is summoned, and says "What seems to be the problem?"
The woman says, "This man is using vulgar language and I won't stand for it."
The man says "Hey alls I'm trying to do in this goddamned bank, for Christ's sake is deposit this fuckin' check for 15 million dollars."
The manager looks at the check and then at the man and says "And this fuckin' bitch won't help you?"
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Woman Choking
A woman goes into a restaurant in a small southern town out in the country. She orders the fried chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she chokes on a chicken bone. Well, these two country boys in the next booth notice she is choking, and they get up and go over to help her.
The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over, and the second country boy starts licking his asshole. She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.
The country boy pulls his coveralls back up and says to the other excitedly "You're right Billy Bob, that Hind-Lick Maneuver works like a charm."
The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over, and the second country boy starts licking his asshole. She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.
The country boy pulls his coveralls back up and says to the other excitedly "You're right Billy Bob, that Hind-Lick Maneuver works like a charm."
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Viagra
This older guy goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for "Viagra." The guy asks for a large dose of the *strongest* variety.
The doctor asks "Why he needs so much?"
The guy says "That two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place."
The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy goes back to the doctor asking for "Pain killers."
The doctor asks "Why, is your dick in that much pain?"
'NO!!!' says the guy, "It's for my wrists, the girls never showed up!"
The doctor asks "Why he needs so much?"
The guy says "That two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place."
The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy goes back to the doctor asking for "Pain killers."
The doctor asks "Why, is your dick in that much pain?"
'NO!!!' says the guy, "It's for my wrists, the girls never showed up!"
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunning on a Nude Beach
A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.
After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.
The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try."
Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"
"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little bastard!."
After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.
The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try."
Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"
"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little bastard!."
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Still A Virgin
A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin."
The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before."
The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"
The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before."
The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"
Saturday, March 17, 2012
18 Bottles of Whiskey
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else...
After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then, I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.
I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink.I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.
After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then, I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.
I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink.I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.
Have to Tell Ya!
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guiness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no....No? Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guiness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no....No? Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
Too Much to Drink
An Irishman who had a little to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course" slurs the drunk.
"Well", says the cop, "It looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening".
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "That a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course" slurs the drunk.
"Well", says the cop, "It looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening".
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "That a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Friday, March 16, 2012
Elderly Couple
An elderly couple are getting ready for bed. One night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!"
The old man says "I'll have the soup."
The old man says "I'll have the soup."
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Therapist Visit
A wife went in to see a therapist and said "I've got a big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell."
"My dear." the shrink said, "That's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem." she complained, "Is that it wakes me up."
"My dear." the shrink said, "That's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem." she complained, "Is that it wakes me up."
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Laying Down the Rules
A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules.
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"
His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"
His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Pop Bottle
A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine. On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start making out and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way.
"Well, okay " he says, "how about a blow job?"
"Yuck!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth!"
He says "Well, then, how about a hand job?"
"I've never done that " she says. "What do I have to do?"
"Well," he answers "Remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?" She nods. "Well, it's just like that."
So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.
"What's wrong?!" she cries out.
"Take your thumb off the end!!"
"Well, okay " he says, "how about a blow job?"
"Yuck!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth!"
He says "Well, then, how about a hand job?"
"I've never done that " she says. "What do I have to do?"
"Well," he answers "Remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?" She nods. "Well, it's just like that."
So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.
"What's wrong?!" she cries out.
"Take your thumb off the end!!"
Monday, March 12, 2012
Sperm Bank
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!"
"I don't care open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!" she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???"
"DO IT!" So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well." so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says "See honey, its not that hard."
She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!"
"I don't care open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!" she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???"
"DO IT!" So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well." so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says "See honey, its not that hard."
Gunshot
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.
"What's wrong?" asked the mother.
"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "Its okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
“No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."
"What's wrong?" asked the mother.
"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "Its okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
“No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Little Head
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange. The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, ''You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head so small?''
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. ''One day,'' he begins, ''I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream.''
''No shit?'' says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.
''Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes.''
''Keep going!''
I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, ''You now have three wishes.''
I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, ''I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger.'' She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!
She then asked, ''What will be your second wish?''
''What next?'' begged the bartender.
I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, ''I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream.'' She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours!
Afterward's, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, ''You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?''
I looked at her and replied, ''How 'bout a little head?''
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. ''One day,'' he begins, ''I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream.''
''No shit?'' says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.
''Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes.''
''Keep going!''
I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, ''You now have three wishes.''
I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, ''I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger.'' She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!
She then asked, ''What will be your second wish?''
''What next?'' begged the bartender.
I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, ''I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream.'' She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours!
Afterward's, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, ''You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?''
I looked at her and replied, ''How 'bout a little head?''
Friday, March 9, 2012
Death or Booka
Three explorers are captured by a tribe in the Amazon jungle. The chief is going to punish the intruders. He calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the explorer doesn't want to die, so he opts for booka. The tribe starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. the cheif then rips the explorers pants off and fucks him in the ass.
The cheif calls the second explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well not wanting to die either, he opts for booka. The tribe again starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. The cheif rips the second guys pants off and fucks him in the ass.
The chief calls the third explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the third guy has a little more self respect and thinks death would be better than being violated in front of hundreds of tribesman, so he opts for death. The chief turns to the tribe and screams "DEATH BY BOOKA!"
The cheif calls the second explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well not wanting to die either, he opts for booka. The tribe again starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. The cheif rips the second guys pants off and fucks him in the ass.
The chief calls the third explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the third guy has a little more self respect and thinks death would be better than being violated in front of hundreds of tribesman, so he opts for death. The chief turns to the tribe and screams "DEATH BY BOOKA!"
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Way to Save Money
As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes.
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife "What's up with all the notes?"
His wife which replies, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are."
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife "What's up with all the notes?"
His wife which replies, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are."
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
2 Statues
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."
Monday, March 5, 2012
Cutbacks
One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off."
Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?"
Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."
Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?"
Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Losing Wife's Love
"I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love." The husband told the counselor.
"Has she started to neglect you?" Said the counselor
"Not at all," the dejected man replied. "She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she's a great cook, the house is always neat, she keeps the kids out of my hair. She lets me choose the television shows we watch and she never objects to sex or says she has a headache."
"So what's the problem?" Replies the counselor
"Maybe I'm just being too sensitive," the husband ventured "But at night, when she thinks I'm sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers, 'Die! You son of a bitch, die!'"
"Has she started to neglect you?" Said the counselor
"Not at all," the dejected man replied. "She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she's a great cook, the house is always neat, she keeps the kids out of my hair. She lets me choose the television shows we watch and she never objects to sex or says she has a headache."
"So what's the problem?" Replies the counselor
"Maybe I'm just being too sensitive," the husband ventured "But at night, when she thinks I'm sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers, 'Die! You son of a bitch, die!'"
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Taxi
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.
Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make theguy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport, " he asked? "Fifteen bucks, " came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.
Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make theguy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport, " he asked? "Fifteen bucks, " came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
Taxi Driver
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.
The driver replied "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.
The driver replied "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
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