Hi Tech Monkey

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey please."

The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, that'll be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10,000!What does it do?"

"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object- oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does it do?"

The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it doing anything, but the other monkeys call him the project manager."

Bank Holdup

Two men held up a bank. They cleaned out the cash drawers and then herded the tellers and clerks into the vault.

They were getting ready to make their getaway when one of the tellers whispered, "Hey, buddy, would you do me a favor?"

One of the robbers said, "What's on your mind, pal?"

"Would you mind taking the books, too? I'm five thousand short."

Bricks For Barbecue

A man goes into this local place where bricks and cement blocks are sold, and orders 20,000 bricks.

"May I ask what you're building?" asks the man behind the counter.

"Yeah, it's going to be a barbecue."

"Damn! That's a lot of bricks for one barbecue,"

"Not really; you have to consider that I live on the 18th floor."

Check Me Out

A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items.

She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.

"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."

Passport

The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.

"You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."

The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach in '44; I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to!"

Dancing With Mom

At a dancing party a shy boy approached a girl and asked, "Will you dance with me, please.?"

The arrogant girl says, " I don't dance with a kid."

The taken back boy apologized, "I am sorry, I did not realize your were pregnant."

Co-eds

Two college co-eds were having a beer. One said to the other, "Mandy was so excited when she found out she was pregnant. She called me late one night after my boyfriend and I had already gone to bed."

"What on earth did she want?" her friend asked.

"Oh... she just said, I can't believe I have a person inside me !"

I said, "So do I. Could I call ya back in an hour or so?"