Newlywed Couple

On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture.

Puzzled she asks "My picture?"

He answers "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".

She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture." He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

Two Boys

Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".

"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.

"What's that mean?"

"It means they cut the skin off the end."

"How old were you when it was cut off?"

"My mom said I was two days old."

"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.

"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"

Amish Father & Son

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. 

The boy asked his father "What is this, Father?"

The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful and very busty 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son "Go get your mother."

No Bridal

Cowboy and his wife had just been married and they went to a hotel for their honeymoon. The man went to the front desk to ask for a room.

He said, "This here's a very special 'casion........our weddin' night. We need a good room with a strong bed!!"

The clerk winked and asked, "Do you want the Bridal?"

The Cowboy thought about it for a while and then replied, "No, I don't think so.......I'll just hold onta her ears until she gits used to it."

Finally Got Laid

When Ernie came home with the news that he'd gotten laid for the first time, his mother was less than pleased. Slapping him across the face, she sent him off to his room without any supper. When Ernie's father got home and heard the news, he went up to see his son.

"Well, my boy," he admonished, secretly pleased, "I hope you learned something from this experience."

"You bet I did," admitted his son. "Next time I use Vaseline ... my ass is killing me!"

Bar Talk

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions...

The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know...
Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent,Ecologist

The second guy says " I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., you know...
Double Income, No Kids Yet."

The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know...
Rich, Urban, biker"

They turn to a woman and ask her, "
What are you? "

She replies: " I'm a W.I.F.E, you know...
Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc"

Senior Sex Life

A senior citizen visits his doctor for a routine check-up and everything seems fine.

The doctor asks him about his sex life.

"Well..." the man drawled, "not bad at all to be honest. The wife ain't all that interested anymore, so I just cruise around.

In the past week I was able to pick-up and bed at least three girls, none of whom were over thirty years old."

"My goodness Frank, and at your age too." the doctor said.

"I hope you took at least some precautions."

"Yep. I may be old, but I ain't senile yet doc. I gave 'em all a phony name."