Pure Wife

There was a man who wanted a pure wife. So he started to attend church to find a woman. He met a gal who  seemed nice so he took her home. When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What's this?" She replies "A cock." He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough.

A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question. She replies "A cock". He is pissed because she seemed more pure than the first but oh well.

A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house. He whips it out and asks, "What is this?" She giggles and says "A pee-pee" He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman.

They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says "That's your pee-pee." He finally breaks down and says "Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a cock."

She laughs and says "No it's not, a cock is ten inches long and black."

Sex Advice

Two friends, a white guy and a black guy, both work together. The white guy came in late one morning and his black friend asks where he had been.

The white guy says, "My wife gives me good sex every night and she kept me up really late last night".

The black guy says "I can't get my wife to have sex with me, no matter what! How do you do it?"

The white guy says, "I read her poetry every night."

His black friend then asks, "What kind of poetry?"

The white guy replies, "Blondie, blondie, eyes so blue, how I want to make love to you." Then the white guy tells his friend to go home and try it - it's a sure thing!

The next morning the black guy was about 2 hours late. When he comes in, he has a black eye and his arm is in a sling.

The white man asks, "What happened?!"

The black man says, "Man, don't ever speak to me again!"

The curious white man asks, "Well, what did you say to her?"

The black man replies, 'Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog, bend over bitch, and take it like a dog!!"

Farmer & his Wife

The farmer and his wife had worked hard, scrimped and saved to send their son to college. As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large mustache and sideburns. Being pleased with his new facial adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents.

On the back of the photo he scrawled "How do you like it? Don't I look like a count?"

Shortly after, the son received this terse note: "You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you can't even spell!"

Faith healer

Old man: "Can you give me an erection?"

Faith healer: "I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even cure cancer.... BUT I'm sorry I cannot raise the dead!"

Windsheild

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable  infidelity. Suddenly the woman reaches over and
slices off the man's pecker. Angrily, the woman tosses the pecker out the window of the car.

Driving behind the car is a fella in a pickup truck with his 10 year old daughter chatting away beside him. All of a sudden, the pecker smacks the pickup in the windshield and flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her daddy, "Daddy, what in the heck was
that?"

Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."

The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute she says,  "Sure had a big dick!"

Guard

Two coworker were going at it hot and heavy on top of a desk. All the sudden they hear the door open and look up to see a security guard.

Guard "Aha! Violating company rules!"

Man "What rules?"

Guard "Not wearing uniforms."

The Moral of the Story 3

One day a bear sat on the side of a bank observing a fish jumping out of the water trying to catch the fly... The bear thought to himself, if that fly drops six inches the fish will jump up to get the fly and I will jump in the lake and get my dinner. In burrow a little mouse surveyed the situation. If that fly drops six inches, the fish will jump up to get the fly, the bear will jump in to get the fish and then I can safely leave and go find my dinner. In a tree above the bank a hungry cat looked down on the dilema.

Hmmm thought the cat, if that fly drops six inches, the fish is going to jump up to get the fly, the bear is going to get the fish and the mouse will run out and I will have MY dinner. So as it goes the fly drops six inches, the fish jumps up to get the fly, the bear jumps into the lake to get the fish, the mouse scurries out into the open and the cat falls out of the tree into the lake...So what is the moral of the story????

 "IF THE FLY DROPS SIX INCHES THE PUSSY IS GOING TO GET WET!"