Sorry that I've been away for so many days just a lil crazy over here & haven't been online in awhile... BUT hopefully things will start to calm down & I'll be back :) Have a few new jokes I want to post so keep a look out for those :) Hope all these jokes make everybody giggle & brighten your day.
Your friend,
EzMony
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Dirty Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to her throat said "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a magnum gun and pointed it at him and said,
"No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a magnum gun and pointed it at him and said,
"No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Check
A man walks into a bank, and after waiting for 20 minutes in line, he goes straight to a customer service rep. and says, "Hey, lady, I got this here check for deposit and I'll be goddamned if I am going to wait my ass on line anymore."
"Please", says the woman. "I won't have that kind of language in this bank."
"Well excuse me, but this fuckin' check ain't drawing any goddamned interest with you yappin' away about my language."
"Sir, I don't have to take this abuse" she says.
"Well then let's get the fuckin' manager okay? I mean what kind of shit is this I have to take from you?"
The manager is summoned, and says "What seems to be the problem?"
The woman says, "This man is using vulgar language and I won't stand for it."
The man says "Hey alls I'm trying to do in this goddamned bank, for Christ's sake is deposit this fuckin' check for 15 million dollars."
The manager looks at the check and then at the man and says "And this fuckin' bitch won't help you?"
"Please", says the woman. "I won't have that kind of language in this bank."
"Well excuse me, but this fuckin' check ain't drawing any goddamned interest with you yappin' away about my language."
"Sir, I don't have to take this abuse" she says.
"Well then let's get the fuckin' manager okay? I mean what kind of shit is this I have to take from you?"
The manager is summoned, and says "What seems to be the problem?"
The woman says, "This man is using vulgar language and I won't stand for it."
The man says "Hey alls I'm trying to do in this goddamned bank, for Christ's sake is deposit this fuckin' check for 15 million dollars."
The manager looks at the check and then at the man and says "And this fuckin' bitch won't help you?"
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Woman Choking
A woman goes into a restaurant in a small southern town out in the country. She orders the fried chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she chokes on a chicken bone. Well, these two country boys in the next booth notice she is choking, and they get up and go over to help her.
The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over, and the second country boy starts licking his asshole. She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.
The country boy pulls his coveralls back up and says to the other excitedly "You're right Billy Bob, that Hind-Lick Maneuver works like a charm."
The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over, and the second country boy starts licking his asshole. She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.
The country boy pulls his coveralls back up and says to the other excitedly "You're right Billy Bob, that Hind-Lick Maneuver works like a charm."
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Viagra
This older guy goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for "Viagra." The guy asks for a large dose of the *strongest* variety.
The doctor asks "Why he needs so much?"
The guy says "That two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place."
The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy goes back to the doctor asking for "Pain killers."
The doctor asks "Why, is your dick in that much pain?"
'NO!!!' says the guy, "It's for my wrists, the girls never showed up!"
The doctor asks "Why he needs so much?"
The guy says "That two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place."
The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy goes back to the doctor asking for "Pain killers."
The doctor asks "Why, is your dick in that much pain?"
'NO!!!' says the guy, "It's for my wrists, the girls never showed up!"
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunning on a Nude Beach
A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.
After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.
The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try."
Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"
"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little bastard!."
After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.
The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try."
Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"
"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little bastard!."
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Still A Virgin
A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin."
The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before."
The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"
The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before."
The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"
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