Shut Up

Two guys are in a strip joint and one is seating in front of the other, a woman comes on to the stage and starts to strip the guy in the back says "Oh yeah oh yeah."

The other guy turns around and says, "Hey bro shut up."

then two women come on the stage and start stripping. He once again starts "OOOH yeah baby."

Once again the guy in the front turns around and tells him to be quite. Then three women come out and start stripping but the guy stays silent, and the guy in front yells "Hey where's all your excitement now?"

He replies, "All over your back!"

10 More Confucius Say...

.....Virginity like bubble, one small prick and it gone.
.....Girl who sits on judge's lap, gets honorable discharge.
.....It is better to puke while pooping than poop while puking
.....Man who like 69, always sticking his nose where it not wanted. (LOVE this one :))
.....Man who puts hand in bush not always gardener!
.....Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
.....Man who eat many prunes get good run for his money.
.....Man who feel woman on period get caught red handed.
.....Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
.....Man who lay girl on bed spring, this spring; get offspring, next spring.

Selling Books

A guy with a speech impediment (he stutters) gets a job selling books door-to-door. On his first day, the sales manager gives him some books and sends him out and a five o’clock the salesman returns with all receipts, no books.

The second day, the sales manager loads him up with more books than the firs day and sends him out. The salesman, returns at five o’clock with all the receipts, no books.

This goes on for a few days, and the sales manager calls him in and says, “This is truly amazing, In a few days you have sold more books than my top salesman does in a week. What’s your sales pitch?”

“W-w-well,” says the salesman, “I s-s-say, ‘D-d-do, y-y-you w-w-want t-t-to b-b-buy a b-b-b-book or d-d-do y-y-you w-want m-me t-to r-read it t-to y-you?

Persian-Rug Store

A woman visits a very posh Persian-rug store. She spots the perfect rug, walks over to inspect it, and as she bends down to feel the texture, she rips a giant fart. She looks behind her to see if anybody heard it, and all seems fine, but when she turns back around, there’s a salesman standing next her.

She says, “Umm, how much does this rug cost?”

The salesman says, “Lady, if you farted just from touching it, you’re gonna shit when you hear the price.”

Not Guilty

A young woman boarded a bus while highly pregnant. She was very conscious about people around her. She noticed a young man looking at her and smiling. She felt humiliated and moved to a different seat, which only broadened the man's smile. She moved again, and on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She complained to the driver, who called the police, and the man was arrested.

When the case came before the court the judge gave the man the opportunity to defend his rude behavior. He explained his action this way: "When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing that she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read 'Coming soon: The Gold Dust Twins', then she moved under one which read 'Sloan’s' Liniments Remove Swellings'".

"I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving ad which read: 'William Stick Did The Trick'. I'm sorry, but I couldn't control myself any longer when, on the fourth move, she sat under an advertisement which read: 'Dunlop Rubber Would Have Prevented this Accident'".

The judge found him not guilty!!!

Hunting for Food

There was an Indian, a caveman, and a cowboy. One day they ran out of food and decided to go hunting. The Indian went out and got a bear, the caveman and the cowboy said, "How did you get that?"

He said, ”Me find tracks, me follow tracks, me get bear."

So the next day the cowboy went out and got a deer, the caveman said, ”How did you get that?"

He said "Me find tracks, me follow tracks, me get deer."

So when the caveman got backs from his hunt all bloody, and disfigured.

The Indian and cowboy said, ”How did that happen?"

The caveman replied, "Me find tracks, me follow tracks, me get hit by train!"

10 Confucius say jokes...

......Man who puts dick in Peanut Butter jar is Fucking Nuts.
......Man with tool in woman's mouth is not necessarily a dentist.
......Couple on 7 day honeymoon make hole weak.
......Man who excels at putting worm on hook is master baiter.
......Man who stands on toilet, is high on pot.
......Man who have sex in strawberry patch get ass in jam.
......Woman who go out on boat with seven fisherman come home with one red snapper.
......He who fishes in others' holes often catches crabs.
......Man with hand in pocket....feel cocky all day!
......Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.