BOB

A married man keeps telling his wife "Honey, you have such a beautiful butt". Every person in the town agrees that she does have a very beautiful butt. The man's birthday is coming up so she decides to take a trip to the tattoo parlor and get the words "Beautiful butt" tattooed on her ass.

She walks in and tells the tattoo artist her husband thinks she has a beautiful butt. He looks and says, "You do have a beautiful butt". She then tells the man she wants Beautiful butt tattooed on her ass. The man tells her "I can't fit that on your ass, it takes up too much space. But I tell you what, I will tattoo the letters BB on each cheek and that can stand for beautiful butt. She agrees and gets it done.

On the man's birthday she hears him come home and is only wearing a robe. She then stands at the top of the stairs. He opens the door and she says "look honey." She then takes off the robe she is wearing, bends over, and the man yells "WHO THE FUCK IS BOB?"!

Extra Income

A husband and wife were having difficulty surviving financially so they decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra source of income. The husband drove her out to a popular corner and informed her he would be at the side of the building if she had any questions or problems.

A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband. The husband told her to tell the client $100. She went back and informed the client at which he cried, "That's too much!" He then asked, "How much for a handjob?" She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.

The husband said "Ask for $40." The woman ran back and informed the client. He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants and underwear. Upon the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man was well hung.

She asked him once more to wait a moment. She ran around the corner again at which her husband asked "Now what?" The wife replied "Can I borrow $60?"

Mind Reading

The weather was very hot, so this man wanted desperately take a dip in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but since he was all alone, he didn't care. He undressed and got into the water.

After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket, which laid on the sandy beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move.

Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds."

"Impossible," said the embarrassed man, "You really know what I think?"

"Yes," the lady replied, "I know that you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom in it."

Annual Checkup

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."

"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"

"Put them on the chair, on top of mine."

Lost Man

A guy is driving out in the middle of nowhere, very lost. Finally he spots 2 houses so he goes up to the first house and looks in the door way. He sees an old lady yanking on her boobs and an old man jerking off.

He is so freaked out that he goes to the next house and says "What's up with your neighbors?"

The owner of the house says "Oh that's the Robinson's, they're both deaf. She's telling him to go milk the cow and he's telling her to go fuck herself!"

Truck Driver

A man is driving his eighteen wheeler down the road, when he sees a hitch hiker. So the trucker stops and picks up the man. While they are driving down the road.

The trucker says "Hey man, you wanna see something pretty cool?"

The hitch hiker says "sure."

So the trucker has this monkey in the back, and he makes it come up with the men, and he smacks the monkey up side his head, and the monkey gives him a blow job.

So after that, the trucker says "Hey man, do you want some of that?"

And the hitch hiker says "Sure, but just don't smack me so hard."

Sunday School

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,

''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

''God Almighty!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Mary jumped up and shouted ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.